WITNESS
Group chat saw nothing
Phone face down. Pack open. Saanjali's drama just escalated. The scandalous nuts witnessed everything, may even have abetted it.
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PEPPER LEMON PANIC
00
ROGUE CHOCOLATE ORANGE
00
OUT LOUD OREGANO
00
NO CHILL LIME CHILLI
00
BERRY MISBEHAVED
00
Garlic Bread Bandit
00
Jalapeño Havoc
00
Salsa Scandal
00
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Trust me. I'm the science.
How scandalous is Salsa?
We ran science on it. By "science" we mean five of us eating the pack & arguing. Here's the verdict:
01
FLAVOUR VOLUME
89%
02
SALSA KICK
93%
03
Crunch Factor
88%
04
Chill Level
21%
05
Shareability
2%
What you get per 33g pack.
Never been built for sharing, The chill score is twenty-one percent. The scandal score is everything else. Math checks out. Drama does too.
// what's in the pack, nutrition-wise //
Fully reviewed by my dietician. Me
01
kcal
163 kcal
Enough fuel to spill a rumour, double-dip in public, or survive 3 simultaneous brunch interrogations without breaking.
02
protein
6g protein
Enough protein to ghost brunch, lie about leg day, or hold a poker face for 90 minutes.
03
magnesium
88mg magnesium
Enough fibre to silence stomach drama, justify 3 dessert orders, or outlast every awkward dinner conversation tonight.
Fully reviewed by my dietician. Me
What’s NOT included?
NO
Added oilWe don't deep-fry secrets
NO
boredomDoesn't need to "last" decades
NO
CholesterolCholesterol ? Not on our watch
NO
Added gyaanThe pack won't lecture you
NO
Added oilWe don't deep-fry secrets
NO
boredomDoesn't need to "last" decades
NO
CholesterolCholesterol ? Not on our watch
NO
Added gyaanThe pack won't lecture you
Qualifications are for cowards
He's here. Deal with it
Zag lives inside the mind. Rent-free. Loud. Uninvited. Covered in tasty crumbs and questionable life choices. Try not to think about him. You will fail.
Born from a volcanic eruption of taste. Arrived with chaos-covered claws, a blank tax history, and zero patience for boring rules. Doesn't count macros. Counts conquests.
Meet Zag// moments to rip-eat-repeat //
Best eaten while…
or whenever
CAUGHT IN 4K
Phone is recording
My cousin called, full-on family gossip underway, I am silently recording, gotta relive the mausaji vs foofaji drunken banters on all boring evenings!
AFTERMATH
Last night was wild
Living room chaos. Confetti everywhere. Pack still half full. Three people texted "we need to talk." Worth every crumb.
MIDNIGHT RAID
Pantry raid at 2:47am
Lights off. Sneaking quiet. Pack open. The fridge is judging. The cat is too. Both will be bribed by morning.
AUNTY ALERT
Hide the evidence
Doorbell rings. Pack stashed under cushion. Aunty asking about marriage. The salsa witnessed your last 6 lies. Won't tell.
DANCING & DINING
When the night gets spicy
They spin you. You crunch. The salsa makes everything taste like good decisions.
Do we have policies? Zag ate the fine print.
No Returns. Only Vibes, Nuts, and Chaos
The moment you order, Zag performs a ritual. You're in Club Nuts™. We can't undo that. Returning a pack would summon Zag's lawyers. They're also crocodiles.
Low Carbon. Low Budget. High Crunch.
We don't pay influencers to look surprised near nuts. We rely on YOU, which saves electricity, cools the planet, delays the apocalypse by 9 seconds per share. You are basically a hero about to save planet Earth.
Fast-ish Delivery. Zag Is Trying.
Orders leave our top-secret Bhiwandi warehouse. If the delivery guy finds parking, Mercury isn't in retrograde, and Mumbai traffic doesn't eat itself, your nuts arrive in 2–4 days.
Here for you (sometimes).
Email us. DM us. Manifest us. We're a small team. Sometimes we're arguing about oregano ratios. Sometimes Zag has locked himself in the supply room. Will we reply? On odd days, or even or never!
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Your snack confessions, answered.
I've been reading your DMs.
